my Mental Flipout...when will it be over, this time?

I went through this thing that I like to call a "Mental Flipout" with Jacob when he was only 4 or 5 years old and again in his teens...and now I am experiencing the same thing with Wesley and it is driving me REALLY TRULY flippin' insane!

Here is the just of the cause of the "flip out" (at least I think this is the cause): when I was in elementary school, my mom and dad were friends with a family that consisted of mom, dad, 2 girls and Mikey, the baby of the family! Mikey was truly the sun, the moon and the stars rolled into one little being. Everyone, I mean everyone loved Mikey...one day the family had to move their flat bed trailer so the kids jumped on the trailer for the "ride". Mikey was about 5 years old at the time, was loaded on to the trailer too. Going down the dirt road, Mikey's little legs got too close to the edge and was pulled off the trailer by one of the tires and run over and needless to say did not survive. As the news spread about Mikey, all anyone could say was that he was "loved too much and that maybe that is why he was taken from his family so early". Everyone was devastated for the family!

My mental flip outs come around when I'm involved more with my boys for a special event or happening in their life and I realize that I am soooo proud of them and their accomplishments or so proud of the young men they are becoming and so on.....I'm afraid, or at least this thought crosses my mind, that if I let it show that I love them too much that they may be taken from me like Mikey was. It sounds crazy but this is so real to me...when I drop Wesley off in the morning, we exchange the same words each morning that we have for the 9 years that he has been in school;the difference now is that when he turns to head to class and gives me that "Wesley wave" behind his back...I have tears streaming down my face because I can't stand the thought of life without him in it!

So if you talk to me and I seem somber,all is really okay...I'm just a little consumed with this "mental flip out".

By the way, the VHS concert band, deck out in formal wear, guys in tuxedos and girls in formal gowns, will be competing tomorrow at Eastridge High School in Clermont...keep them in your thoughts as they create yet another first for VHS by competing with the first ever in the history of the school, tada ...VHS Concert Band! on a side note...I'm following the band down to Clermont to cheer them on (and to make sure that Wesley arrives safely). This is so not like me to stress but this mental flip out is making me do weird things!